If I could figure out how to function without having to eat or go to the bathroom I would be unstoppable. These little pit stops during my day to ‘reenergize’ or empty out my bowels are such a waste of my time. I sometimes feel like the root of all my procrastination starts because of the little pit stops my body forces me to do. I sit on the toilet, whip out my phone for a quick Facebook update and before I know it I am knee-deep in an article about Steve Jobs. As I head back to my desk, I have one thing on my mind: google one odd piece of information that stuck out to me about Steve Jobs. Before I know it 3 hours have gone by and it is now time for lunch. Thus, the googling continues.
Or my favorite, I sit down to eat a gorgeous salad, while I innocently scroll though Instagram and catch glimpse of something like this….
‘How does she do it?’ I think to myself, as I physically watch myself become completely consumed with those never-ending YouTube tutorials on how to contour my cheek bones correctly…. which by the way… I still do not understand. And after clicking on a few click-bait thumbnails I find myself looking at this:
WHY?!?! WHY am I wasting my time watching this? I will never in my lifetime time need to paint my entire body, so WHY am I watching these?!
They say DREAM BIG. They say to FACE YOUR FEARS. They say IF YOU AREN’T GROWING YOU ARE DYING. They say THE SCARIEST MOMENT IS JUST BEFORE YOU START.
I feel as if I am the same, yet different then most people. I am taking steps towards my goals, I have written out my goals. I feel as if I am making progress, I am moving forward, yet still sometimes I find myself doubting my abilities. I find myself fearful instead of fearless. I work through the thoughts in my head, I categorize them. 1. Uplifting conversations. 2. Not uplifting conversations. I try to dwell on the uplifting conversations, while I talk to myself. Don’t judge, we all talk to ourselves. We tell ourselves what to say or not to say. We calculate, we manipulate, we assess the situations in front of our eyes and we make decisions…or we make no decision, which is…by the way, a decision. Because a decision to not make a decision, is a decision. Get that?! Deep, I know.
So I sit here and sometimes wonder if we are all meant to do something. Or do I have this idea of needing to do something because of the reading material I have chosen to read? If I wouldn’t have read books by Grant Cardone, Anthony Robbins, Les Brown or Joel Osteen would I still have this deep desire for more, to do more? Maybe I am meant to just stay where I am… working a ‘normal’ desk job… running a ‘normal’ sales force. I mean why do I have to push forward? What happens if I don’t? Why can’t I just be satisfied with leading a normal life that consists of the same thing week in and week out? Why do I have to go around adding more STUFF to my already hectic life?
I was listening to Joel Osteen the other day, he said, ‘If the passion and desire is in you, then you were meant to accomplish it. The passion would not be there and the thoughts would not exist in your mind if you were not supposed to accomplish it. The deep desire was put there for a reason.”
I have a desire to help people. I have a desire to mentor people’s minds. I have a desire to be a friend to people. To listen to people, to lift people up. I have a desire to bring happiness to the world. To teach others how to love, how to treat their bodies kindly, how to human better. I started my own website aside from this blog, as a start towards that path.
A starting point. A place to begin my journey. I have been pausing, I have been braking, I have been procrastinating. There is a part of me that has a deep understanding of why… it’s the fear. I know this. But still I sit here, stuck. I will move 3 spaces forward and then stop. Then I will move 1 space forward and then stop. I figure if I continue on this path I will eventually get to the right path, at least that is what I tell myself. I am working these thoughts out, just like you. I am trying to figure this out.
The thought, ‘I am 30, now what do I do with my life?’… is passing through my brain more and more these days. I am struggling with my fears and passions and doubts, just like everyone else. And that my friends, is the BIGGEST realization. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves. We need to just kick the negative thoughts aside and just run, and keep running until it all makes sense. BUT before you can do that, you need a clear path. What are you doing? Where are you going? Do you even know?
What is holding you back? We need to kick that fear aside and run for the mountains. It’s you and me baby… let’s race to the top!
Do something awesome today!
Xo- Sabrina Victoria